A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar

A Trans Man Walks into a Gay Bar shines new light on the complex intersections of gender identity, sexuality, sex and queerness.

On the bookshelves, there was plenty of stuff on being gay, and much needed, joyous accounts of what it is to be trans, but nothing really that encapsulates what is it to be both – to exist in the hazy terrain between.’

After his relationship with his girlfriend of 5 years ended, Harry realised he was a single adult for the first time – not only that, but a single, transmasculine and newly out gay man.

Despite knowing it was the right decision, the reality of his new situation was terrifying. How could he be a gay man, when he was still learning what it was to be a man? Would the gay community embrace him or reject him? What would gay sex be like? And most importantly, would finding love again be possible?

In this raw, intimate and unflinchingly honest book, we follow Harry as he navigates the sometimes fraught and contradictory worlds of contemporary gay culture as a trans gay man, from Grindr, dating and gay bars, to saunas, sex and ultimately, falling in love. Harry’s brave and uplifting journey will show you there is joy in finding who you are.

What others are saying:

Hopeful and life affirming, A Trans Man Walks into a Gay Bar is impossible to put down. This is a memoir that doesn’t shy away from uncomfortable truths but Harry’s writing is profoundly moving, he handles the most complex conversations with the lightest of touches. Charming, witty and sexy, this is a book for anyone who has ever felt lost or who has found themselves, or is somewhere along the way.–Laura Kay, author of The Split, Tell Me Everything and Wild Things

The projected portrait of being trans by the media is bleak, yet Harry writes with such warmth and candour that he shines a light on the majesty of being exactly who you are – unapologetically. Without sugar-coating issues or hiding the hostility we face as a community, this book is a nuanced and individual look into the complexity of the trans experience within the wider LGBTQIA+ community – a triumph.–Ben Pechey, author, presenter & LGBTQIA advocate

A beautifully important, eye-opening book in a world of criticism and ignorance. Harry, inviting into his life with commendable rawness, is helping so many people understand, educate and grow with our community. A vital reminder that no trans person needs to be fixed.–Daniel Harding, author of Gay Man Talking

Both a rallying cry for liberation, and an intimate self reflection, Nicholas celebrates and examines queer masculinity in its various forms, the good, the bad, and the ugly.Nicholas’ s wit comes through the page in moments of consideration, balanced out with steamy, sexual liberation. A Trans Man Walks Into A Gay Bar is a book with something for all of us, no matter where we lie on the spectrums of gender, sex, expression, and sexuality.–David Chipakupaku, journalist

Celebrates the interconnectedness and incongruity of gender, doing so in a way that frees the reader by extension. Will live on in the minds of each and every reader.–Neil Czeszejko, Delphic Reviews

This book manages to convey the wisdom and self-reflection of an elder, while also containing so much potential for how much life Harry has yet to live. It shares a trans gay experience in a way that welcomes cis people into the conversation, while never once making his queerness ‘palatable’. Harry’s anger at how much further we have to go is only matched by the scale of his hope that, together, we’ll get there – and in this memoir Harry is showing us the way. A miracle.–Adam Zmith – Author of Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and winner of the Polari First Book Prize 2022

An engaging and easy-to-read book about a life experience that hardly anyone talks about.–Christine Burns MBE, Activist and author of Trans Britain

As a community with millions of people, there is no ‘one size fits all’ experience, and this is a perfect example of the nuance in trans experiences. I laughed and cried, I related and I learned. His vulnerability and honesty feels like an antidote in an increasingly hostile world. Beautiful.–Shivani Dave (they/them), journalist and radio presenter

This singular exploration of one man’s journey towards himself shows us we are infinitely distinct and unique, and all the stronger as a community for it.–Andrew McMillan, Poet (100 Queer Poems, Physical, Pandemonium)